her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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