i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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