You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
