I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
