Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I cockslap morals
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
