ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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