just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
