i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
