a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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