I just cut my nipple shaving
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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