I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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