I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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