what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
