So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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