you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
