Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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