I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
