I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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