And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
