If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
