have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
