I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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