Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
