so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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