I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
