escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
