If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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