So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
