Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
