did you get engaged???
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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