Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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