My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
