put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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