Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
