You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
