I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
