Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
