I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize