Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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