you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
