I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
