god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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