dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
