I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
