I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the condom got lost in my hair
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
