Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
