So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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