I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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