"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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