She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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