I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize