I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
