3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize