I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
