The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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