Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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