Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we made out on top of his cat.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
