Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
