why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
