So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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