Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize