honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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