I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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