People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
