i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize